Brendan said he’s not going to look at this site until we start getting some traffic. We need some viral shit, some sticky shit. Some of that shit the kids like. So here we go, friends. I present to you our first piece of clickbait. Let me know if I’m doing this right in the comments.

21 Things You Do if You’re a Straight Up Buster

Get kids drunk and steal their shit.

Use your boner privilege for tacos.

Call it Whole Paycheck in front of friends but then be like, “yeah I’ll have the lettuce or whatever.”

Go gorillas. Like SRSLY gorillas.

Lose your maple patience.

Wait ’til it’s outta the tree, dog!

Stitch skins into clothes like a fucking maniac.

You know that’s creepy, right?

Go mental to ballooncore.

Be like girlfriend or what.

Lose your kit at the zoo.

Think of the kids, kid!

Maraude.

Wear this hat.

Psych that hat’s straight up gangster!

Punt.

Always go for 6.

Arugula.

Tie shit on turtles.

Start wars that don’t have a clear objective or end point.

Nuh-uh player!

Stunt like you’re shrimping.

Keep mum on Bob Barker.

Say what you see, he ain’t your friend.

Pee on people.

Pretend the clock’s wrong to get out of pregnancies.

Be a racist about Oktoberfest.

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